


Coriolanus - A Summary

by daasgrrl



Category: Coriolanus - Shakespeare
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 20:11:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2081589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daasgrrl/pseuds/daasgrrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Contains spoilers for a 400-year-old play.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Coriolanus - A Summary

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers for a 400-year-old play.

**Citizens of Rome:** Grain's too expensive! We're going to starve!

 **Caius Martius:** Too bad, fragments. I'm off to fight in Corioles.

 **Aufidius:** Damn you Caius Martius, you win again!

 **Roman Senate:** Yay! We will call you Caius Martius Coriolanus!

 **Volumnia:** Hooray, more wounds. Now run for Consul!

 **Caius Martius:** Do I have to?

 **Volumnia:** I'm your mother. If I say you run for Consul, you'll do it!

 **Caius Martius:** Yes, mummy. Give me your voices, rabble... I mean, citizens. Please?

 **Citizens of Rome** : Okay!

 **Tribunes:** ...you do realise he secretly despises you all.

 **Citizens of Rome:** Oh.

 **Tribunes** : Banish him instead!

 **Citizens of Rome:** Okay!

 **Caius Martius:** Hi Aufidius. I know we're sworn enemies, but Rome banished me. Wanna kill them all?

 **Aufidius:** I love you. I mean... okay, sure, sounds good.

 **Cominius and Menenius:** We used to be your bestest friends. Please stop attacking Rome.

 **Caius Martius:** No.

 **Virgilia:** I'm your wife. This is your son. Please stop attacking Rome.

 **Caius Martius:** No.

 **Volumnia:** Mummy says PRETTY PLEASE stop attacking Rome.

 **Caius Martius:** Dammit, Mummy, I hate it when you do that. Okay, okay. Peace treaty.

 **Aufidius:** NOOOO! YOU TRAITOR! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! I KILL YOU NOW!

 **Caius Martius:** *dies*

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at [tumblr](http://daasgrrl.tumblr.com/post/78212342553/coriolanus-a-summary).


End file.
